I've been thinking lately...

That's a bit of an understatement! I've done a lot of processing and wondering over the past few weeks with Cam going through this ordeal with mental illness. Today I reflect on this verse from scripture, "how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ," Eph. 3:18.

I remember waiting for Cam to finish in the bathroom shortly after we returned home from a day long wrestling tournament at GRCHS. He was taking an unusually long time to finish. The phrase that tipped me off that things were not right was, "um, I don't really know," spoken after I asked what he had been doing. My heart sank, I whispered the words, "Oh no," and braced myself for another journey of care giving for my son.

I was not ready, nor prepared for the severity of this episode. When he could not walk, I naturally carried him. When he could not eat, I fed him. When his mind when 70 mph, his words didn't make sense and he needed constant supervision, I patiently sat with him and waited for things to calm down. When circumstances seemed to merit, I made contacts to  people who new nothing of us or the situation we faced - I needed answers and called out to people who I thought would know. Upon professional recommendations I chauffeured him to emergency rooms and hospitals to make sure he was safe and moving in a positive direction. I talked, I listened, I cried a lot.

I demanded answers, clear, concise and honest answers from doctors, nurses, caregivers and case managers. When they wouldn't contact me I requested audience with them. I am his Dad and I want to know what is happening to my son and why. I wanted to know how they were treating his symptoms, but more than that, that they were seriously considering the source that triggered his mind alteration so that a repeat occurance would not take place. I am normally not so forthright, but this was my son we were talking about, a young man I deeply loved and cared about. How helpless, how dependent, how out of control I felt.

But still, I would do it all again for him if I had to. How deep does my love go? This week it went deeper that I ever imagined. Just how deep does Christ's love for me go? I think I got a glimpse this week. I have found the refreshing truth of the depth of God's love for me as well as the depth of my love for my son on a journey so difficult it staggers my imagination. This is a "diamond in the rough", an answer to prayer, a privileged realization only a few get to see.

Many know how much I enjoy the comic strips featuring Charlie Brown and his friends called the Peanuts. I grew up on the now classic television specials and make it a tradition to watch them with my family. Do you remember Charlie Brown's popular phrase of exasperation, "Good Grief", which he sighed whenever his kite got stuck in a tree, his baseball team was losing or his dog snoopy did something off the wall? Well, what exactly does this phrase mean? Is there such a thing as "good grief"?

If you've ever felt the sting of loss, whether it be the death of a loved one, the loss of a job, the separation of a divorce, or some other significant change, you understand the emotional strain that grief brings. Zapped of energy and desire, cumbered by heartache and fear, and sometimes weighed down by utter hopelessness, grief seems anything but good. Even those who did not experience the loss find grief to be clumsy and awkward, confused about what to do and say to make someone we know feel better. So often, people do not handle loss very well. Keeping busy, changing the subject, or trying hard not to think about it are ways of getting over it quickly, too quickly. While shifting the emotions for the immediate moment they have not gone. Instead they resurface from time to time in the form of stress, anxiety and pessimism.

I believe that God, in his loving nature, prepared us for inevitable loss and the strong emotional response to such heaviness. Our natural grief response, which is manifest differently for all people, is the path toward health and healing. We now understand the importance of giving oneself time to adjust to the loss, opportunity to talk about those persons or things that are no longer present in life, and to establish traditions which help to alleviate negative emotional response in order to recapture hope, strength and joy.

If you've experienced significant loss of any kind, especially in the past year, take time to express your grief and emotions to those you trust, who will listen and empathize with your loss. Prepare for the holidays by planning some rituals or traditions to memorialize or honor the life of a loved one who has died. And focus, through worship, on the author of life, that he may restore your hope, grant you strength and consume you with His presence.

If you know someone who has experienced loss and you wonder how to help, spend time with them and don't be afraid to talk about what is really on their mind. Listen and encourage. Don't rush them. Invite them to attend and participate in the Service of Remembrance on Nov. 30 at 6pm in the sanctuary. It will be worth yours and their time!

Yes, there is such a thing as good grief - it is grief expressed in creative and meaningful ways which restore hope and support life!